Things they don’t tell you…

Can we just take a moment to discuss the things they don’t tell you when you become pregnant.

I mean, from the moment you see those two lines appear on the device you choose to pee on… it’s all excitement and Congraulations right?! And we all await this mythical pregnancy glow?! This was an extremely different experience for me.

  1. The first thing nobody warned me about was sickness. I mean, you hear about Morning Sickness right?! So you presume you’ll be starting the day with a little bit of Vom. WRONG. The sickness does not limit itself to a time! You could be happily travelling on a bus in the middle of the afternoon and it hits you like a wave. Your mouth starts to salivate and you know it… You’re going to hurl. The worst experience of my life was being on  National express coach from Kent to London, and about 30 minutes I felt it. I tried to go to the toilet but it was occupied. Did my baby care?! Did it balls. So I Vommed. And I vommed some more at the sight of the vomit that was currently on me, in my hair, on the seat next to me. I couldn’t get a change of clothes as they were all under the coach. It was a very dark day for pregnancy.
  2. Peeing. Okay, we all know as the baby grows, the urge to pee is more frequent right. And we know it wakes you in the middle of the night. Mildly inconvienient yes?! What they don’t tell you is, you know how there’s usually a build up. Like you know you have to go, but you’ve probably got another 30-60mins before it’s borderline accident time. Well in pregnancy that warning hour is gone.  You can go from fine to wetting yourself in 0-10 seconds And don’t even think about sneezing! I was quite poorly during my pregnancy with Pickle with some kidney issues (a kidney stone they had to leave in on my right, abnd a dilated kidney on my left.) I remember one day I was on a drip, which was plugged into the wall, and I knew I was going to be sick. Allan got me a sick bowl and refused to leave, however with each heave, I pee’d a little. And I cried more. Cried with the pain, but mainly for the humiliation. I was like a leashed dog and there was nothing I could do but lose my dignity with every heave. Thankfully he stuck by me and never judged me.  I literally went through hell to bring our baby to this world. Oh by the way – Almost 3 years on… still don’t trust a sneeze! Just saying!
  3. Strangers feel like it is fine to touch your belly. The amount of people who would give my belly a little rub. I mean, I’ve been overweight my whole life and nobody has ever come over for a wee rub of my jiggly tummy before. But all of a sudden it’s socially acceptable to touch a strangers belly?!
  4. The levels of fatigue you feel are unreal. I mean, you will get out of breath walking up the stairs. And you’ll probably give yourself grief for it too. But you are growing a baby human. That sh*t is exhausting. If you neeto nap, do! There won’t be much time for it afterwards.
  5. Take more “Bumpies” (Bump Selfies). Because believe it or not, you’ll miss that bump when it’s gone. I wish I took more everyday!
  6. Birth Plans. Oh my god – the most pointless thing ever. You have NO idea how the night is going to go. Will you dilate so quickly you can’t have ain relief (like me), will you be induced, Will you be back to back, Will you poop in the birthing pool?! At the end of the day, my only advice is make your plans loosely. The night can go so much different, so don’t get upset if you don’t get the birthing pool, or the delayed cord clamping or any of that Jazz. Just trust your body and trust your medical team. As scary as it all is, your baby is on the way. And every pain is magical. Really!
  7. You’re probably going to get stretchmarks. But are they not a small price to pay to carry a life into this world. This is what we are born to do. And not everybody will get to experience this feeling. Please don’t focus on the bad of stretchmarks, but rather, if it wasn’t for them… You wouldn’t have your amazing child.
  8. SO many people look at your vagina! Like, Seriously. Because I was ill, it felt like every other week somebody new was taking a peek a my cervix, whilst I was trying to count how many holes were in the ceiling tiles. I mentioned I was ill with my kidneys right?! On the worst time I got an infection I was pretty out of it, I was put in a ward byself slipping in and out of consciousness, running a fever. One night my chest felt sore, So i remember bit and bats of having an ecg. I was in no fit state to assist them putting the patches on so I was kind of lay there. Anyway a few weeks later I went for an appointment with and the lady consultant was saying how she had seen me before but couldn’t place me. Then asked me if I was the lady who needed the emergency ECG a few weeks before. All I could think about for the rest of my appointment was how this lady had seen my boobs. I sat there blushing wanting the world to swallow me up, but ladies. Please know these doctors and nurses see ALL sorts. They must see about 40 vaginas in a day and probably a few boobs inbetween. It’s fine!
  9. You know the glow? Well what happens is you gradually become too tired to do your hair and make up everyday, the fatigue takes over, maybe you’re a little pale from all the vomit, Then one day you don’t have that. And you feel great. So you do your hair and make up… BAM. Everyone comments on the glow. NO GUYS, this is just what I used to look like before I didn’t have the energy for effort anymore.
  10. The biggest thing nobody tells you is every pregnancy is different. And do you know what, no matter how good or bad your experience, youd go through it all again to cuddle that newborn baby at the end of it.

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